Dust & Diamonds

2011-08-15T08:55:00.002+01:00

NEW POST @ http://nostalgiaxox.blogspot.com

^^^^^

GIRLS PLEASE READ. XXX

2011-08-04T15:07:00.000+01:00

http://nostalgiaxox.blogspot.com

I WON'T BE USING THIS ACCOUNT ANYMORE XXX PLEASE FOLLOW THE ABOVE NEW BLOG.

NEW BLOG

2011-08-04T10:38:00.002+01:00

HTTP://NOSTALGIAXOX.BLOGSPOT.COM

This is my new blog that I will be posting on from now on. All my lovely followers please follow me over to here. I decided to create a new blog & delete my old one because as I was looking through this morning I discovered just how much sad stuff I had posted so out with the old & in the new.

xxx

2011-08-04T09:48:00.001+01:00

I'M GOING TO START A NEW BLOG. I WILL POST THE LINK UP HERE ASAP.

XOXOX

2011-08-01T10:51:00.002+01:00

'I think that eventually after all the upset and devastation there comes a calm. When your mind and your heart have finally had enough and agree that you have simply done too much for someone and the only possible thing left to do is walk away, just like they walked away from you. Someone once told me that if you love someone you should let them go and pray that they come back to you, sometimes that doesn't work, sometimes words don't work, sometimes nothing works. The time when this will come can never be predicted, it will come when you have had enough, unexpectadly. Something will steel you to say that enough is enough. Because sometimes enough is enough. You cannot make a blind person see, this is the same with love and someone who simply doesn't want to see, they will never see. You cannot make someone love you, and you have to learn to respect yourself and realise that extreme pain can be good in the long run, that you will be free of the knots that tie in your stomach and the brief spouts of nausea and the sleepless nights and the incessant phone checking will all be over and one day you will wake up and it will not be the first thing that comes to your mind. You will eventually be at peace.'

This freaked me out.

2011-07-29T16:02:00.000+01:00

Formspring:

2011-07-28T08:59:00.002+01:00

That's exciting about a beauty course! I can really see you doing that! What happened with the journalism route? How were your uni results? I hope you don't stop your blog! :D XXX
Awww thank you what a lovely message :) With the Journalism I definitely decided it wasn't something I wanted to go into as a career unless it was fashion because it just wasn't for me. I didn't really enjoy my degree course very much & I SUCK at shorthand so decided to do something I enjoyed. But don't get me wrong the 3 years I was at Uni were the best 3 years of my life. And I got a 2.2 which I was SO pleased with because I basically didn't do much work for 3 years! And I definitely won't be stopping my blog. thanks so much for your paitience. xxx

Are you still being a club rep this summer?
Unfortunately I've had to defer my position for a year because of a few reasons which I don't want to go into on here but next May I'll be starting :) xx

Are you permanently on a diet? What do you eat in a day?
Odd question but no I'm not on a diet and my day usually consists of about 3 Starbucks that's why I'm skint about 90% of the time.

wHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS YEAR??
My holiday in Tenerife with my best friend, Newcastle trips, Manchester trips, Hull to see all my coursemates, being paid!!, my new house, buying more clothes :)

Listography

2011-07-27T12:07:00.003+01:00

I miss:

Good friends who are dotted around the country/world.

Wearing mittons

Krispy Kremes

Being able to get my belly button pierced & nobody judge me for it

London in the summer

Waking up next to someone special...

Acrylic nails

Activites:

Sitting in friends back gardens having lots of bbq food & wine

Hyde Park in London reading a book under a tree

Playing in the snow making snowmen with best friends

Riding a bike across the beach front in Barcelona

Stuffing my face with fajitas in TGI Fridays, Newcastle

Airport runs with stacks of magazines, haribo, ipod playlists, best friends & rose wine with a sausage sandwich at 6am

Cherry Blosson cocktails in Covent Garden

Boring lectures with coursemates hungover

Picnics & sunbathing in Golden Acre Park

After work drinks in posh bars

5pm Friday on payday

Need these in my life...

2011-07-26T09:25:00.001+01:00

HJ:

2011-07-25T10:18:00.002+01:00

Favourite colour: Peach
Favourite song: 3 Words - Cheryl Cole
Favourite dessert: Apple crumble with a ton of custard
What is pissing you off: Right now? The box of scanning I have to do. In general? A 3 letter word.
When I'm upset: Everyone knows about it
Favourite pet: Hamcat
Black or white: Black
Biggest fear: Love
Best feature: Skinny wrists
Everyday attitude: 'Recently I feel as though I've been pushed to the limit in every single aspect of my life and you know what? I'm not taking it anymore. I'm sick of this shit.'
What is perfection: Sipping a cocktail in a bikini @ Ibiza Rocks hotel with the sun shining, SHM mafia playing & my best friend Caroline with me.
Guilty pleasure: Cheese.

INSPIRATION THIS WEEK:

2011-07-25T10:04:00.007+01:00

WEEKEND:

2011-07-25T09:15:00.003+01:00

Dress: £25.00 Asos

Bag: £20.00 Warehouse

Shoes: £5.00 River Island

MONDAY MORNING...

2011-07-25T08:59:00.003+01:00

'When you love someone who suffers from the disease of addiction you await the phonecall . There was be a phonecall. The sincere hope is that the call will be from the addict themselves, telling you they've had enough, that they're ready to stop, ready to try something new. Of course though you fear the other phonecall, the sad nocturnal chime from a friend or relative telling you it's too late, she's gone. Frustratingly it's not a call you can make, it must always be recieved. It is impossible to intervene.'

2011-07-20T09:23:00.003+01:00

'I think the worst part of the whole situation was the false hope, the promises and suggestions he made to me, I would nod along but I knew that they weren't ever going to materialise. I didn't feel as though I had a choice about anything; I was simply along for the ride he was taking me on. While there was still hope no-one else mattered or even came close, I was at peace when he was laid beside me when he wasn't? He haunted me. Sleep was impossible because of the dreams. I would awake at 5am in a cold sweat turning over to check my phone for text messages I knew would never arrive. I clung onto the only weapons I knew that I had but even they were scarce. 'Soon' he would say, 'maybe yeah', 'I'll have to see' seemed to be the only words of even slight commitment in his vocabulary. I wondered when the agony would end, inside of slowly ebbing away it came back stronger in full force, even when I would have moments of strength and begin to feel almost normal again, there he would be flashing up on my phone as if nothing had happened but to him nothing had. He was perfectly fine being in control while I remained forever in Limbo. For me there was no way out? Because I sure as hell wasn't going to be the one to give him up, so aslong as he still wanted me? There I was'

Anette, 20, London - 'Heartbroken Anonymous'

POST-GRADUATION

2011-07-19T09:45:00.004+01:00

Shoes: £5.00, River Island sale

(The lovely people let me have these shoes for just £5.00 as they'd been returned and worn. They're near perfect condition too. Bargain of the year)

VIP DJ Booth @ Halo

Jager...again

'Think Pink' cocktail @ Pitcher & Piano with Sarah :)

Bottle of wine with Ruth @ Box

Playsuit: £12.00 River Island Sale

2011-07-18T10:32:00.000+01:00

MY WEEKEND CONSISTED OF...

2011-07-18T10:29:00.002+01:00

STANDARD.

FORMSPRING:

2011-07-18T10:15:00.002+01:00

Okay so it has literally been about 4 months since I last checked this account & I found some questions in it that I hadn't seen before so huge apologies for everyone who messaged, I completely forgot about my account so here's some answers! SORRY! xox

Hi I'm from New Zealand and found your blog and I absolutely love it! such good style!!!xxx

Thank you for the compliment :) Although I suck recently at style, I'm looking more like a WAG every day...xox

What is your college interview for? Are you doing another degree?

It was for a Beauty course and definitely not another degree I can't afford it! xox

Where are you living?x

Headingley, Leeds with my two best friends. xox

It's nearing winter where I'm living so getting ready to stock up my wardrobe, what are your must haves for winter?

Even though it's probably summer now since it took me sooo long to reply but every winter I make sure I have:

Cute Mittons

A large chunky scarf, usually in black, cream or grey so it goes with most things & those are usually my staple colours.

Plenty of cute hats, especially bobble hats. I got an amazing grey hat last year from Topshop with pom-poms for bear ears.

Some high heeled boots for nights out, usually black and ankle.

Uggs. I have no shame & when I'm trekkingthrough the snow they keep my feet warm.

Knee high socks, black & grey to team with dresses & skirts for nights out.

jumpers & cardigans. I got a long cream & grey one from H&M in Barcelona last year made from wool with reindeer print on, down to my knee & I love it.

A few plain long sleeved tops

A winter coat. ALWAYS. The one I had last year was black & white leopard print from Topshop, it was super warm & went with everything.

Onesies. Again, no shame when I live in a student house & can't afford to put the heating on.

A lighter shade of foundation, a rosier blush & more black eye liner.

At least 5 pairs of patterned tights, I lived in them last year.

Y RU SINGLE AGAIN?

You would have to ask him I have no idea.

I thoink I saw you on the bus in Leeds on tuesday!! did you hava playsuit on & huge sunglasses? love ti!xx

I do own playsuits & huge sunglasses but no unfortunately wasn't me. Can't remember the last time I took a bus in Leeds. xox

CECILIA WAS THE FIRST TO GO.

2011-07-15T15:55:00.003+01:00

"We knew the girls were really women in disguise, that they understood love, and even death, and that our job was to create the noise that seemed to fascinate them."

2011-07-15T09:52:00.000+01:00

GOODBYE LEEDS MET...

2011-07-13T14:01:00.006+01:00

IRRESPONSIBLE?

2011-07-13T10:40:00.004+01:00

On saturday I bumped into some people who I hadn't seen in a really long time and not really had any desire to see again. 3 of them were engaged, 1 had 2 children, 2 were living with their boyfriends/girlfriends and 1 was in a 4 year relationship moving to a different country with him.

Not once did any of them ask me about my degree, my job, my living situation, my friends, what i'd been up to, the only thing that any of them even seemed to seem curious about was my relationship status;

'Have you got a boyfriend Hayley? Are you seeing anyone? Have you met anyone yet?'

'No. Just me'

*CUE the awkward 'awwwwwwws' and the sympathetic looks and the shoulder rubbing and the 'don't worry I'm sure he's out there somewheres' and the 'what happened?' and the smug looks with their left hands extended.

Whilst they were discussing wedding dresses, table arrangement, nappies and mortgage prices I was sat texting my friends talking about what I was going to wear and drink. Is this truely what it has become? Have I hit that age where all people seem to want to know is if we're with someone? Have the sympathetic looks started already? I'm no where even close to the Bridget Jones's age and whilst they went home to their loved ones and a kebab at 2am I was still on a podium in Havana downing Jagerbombs. But the question is who's right and who's wrong? Is there a right and wrong?

As far as I'm concerned we as 22 year olds have our whole lives to discuss 3 piece suites and colour schemes, at 32 we can start to worry about the gas bills and nappy prices, but to me it seemed slightly un natural that I had literally nothing left to say to my peers who I share lots of school memories with. The truth is yes we have all moved on but to completely different places.

Don't get me wrong I am admittedly slightly bitter as I'm 2 months into a very sad breakup with someone who I thought would be in my life for a long time to come (turns out I was wrong) and therefore slightly more biased towards the single life but I'm much happier in my rented student house in Headingley with bad lighting, damp and horrible carpets than I would be with the pressure of a mortgage, a boyfriend and crumbs on my brand new rug. But who's to say I'm right? Not for one second am I suggesting that my choices are better than theirs, if anything they're not, but are we really ready for that type of responsibility at our tender age?

'Yeah but it's totally different if you love someone' said my anonymous friend but I beg to differ. What I felt for *** wasn't far off the real thing but not for one second did I even suggest or want that type of commitment from him (which was lucky really in hindsight) the thing I worried about the most was who's house we were going to sleep at thursday night not duvet colours for our master bedroom. We had fun, we were reckless and we liked each other a lot, isn't that enough? One of them later told a friend of mine they thought I was 'irresponsible'. Am I irresponsible or am I just having more fun than them? 20 years down the line when were boring and old and have jammy fingermarks all over the walls I want to be able to look back and know that I didn't waste the best time of my life with few commitments. I also understand that it is possible to still have fun and amazing times when you live with your boyfriend/girlfriend but the whole 'honey I'm home thing' just doesn't work for me.

So sorry to those who sat opposite me with the sympathetic looks and sniggers, I'm fine with my jagerbombs & stained carpets thanks.

2011-07-13T10:28:00.003+01:00

INSPIRTATION:

2011-07-13T10:09:00.008+01:00

WHAT I WORE:

2011-07-13T10:06:00.001+01:00

Playsuit: Arc

Shoes: Topshop

Necklace: Miss Selfridge

2011-07-11T12:48:00.008+01:00

2011-07-11T10:33:00.001+01:00

NEW STYLE CRUSH:

2011-07-08T12:35:00.004+01:00

HOME

2011-07-08T09:26:00.009+01:00

FEW OUTFIT POSTS...

2011-07-08T09:12:00.003+01:00

Headingley

Top: Miss Selfridge

Shorts: Topshop

Wakefield
Dress: Lipsy

Mission, Leeds

Dress: River Island

Headingley

Top: Warehouse

Shoes: Topshop

Shorts: Topshop

Sarah's Leaving Party

Orange Dress: Topshop

Newcastle

Dress: H&M

Wakefield

Dress: Topshop

Call Lane

Dress: H&M

Bag: Warehouse

LATELY....:

2011-07-07T09:19:00.011+01:00

NEW TWITTER:

2011-07-07T09:17:00.001+01:00

http://www.twitter.com/hayleyjade_xo

xoxox

IT'S BEEN...

2011-07-07T09:16:00.001+01:00

A while but I'm back after turning down a dream job that everybody wants, having my heart broken & leaving behind the best 3 years of my life. But somehow I'm still standing & will be blogging a lot more :) Thanks for everyones paitience.

Hayley xox

2011-04-26T09:43:00.000+01:00

MY EBAY:

2011-04-02T13:36:00.001+01:00

http://shop.ebay.co.uk/tunaham/m.html?_trksid=p4340.12562

Added a few items this morning!! :)

2011-04-01T21:11:00.000+01:00

2011-03-27T15:30:00.000+01:00

mwah. xo

first love.

2011-03-20T14:57:00.002Z

You are the section of my magazine.

You blow my mind like no-one of the human kind.

You are the only one who could ever speak, this secret language between us and the sheets.

You make my mind and body so hot.

You sent this wild child into a lady by night.

When I met you long ago I was so alone.

My heart is beating so fast as I write this song and it goes...

You make me feel so beautiful.

It's like the sun is always shining when you are in control.

You are my Mr. Mystery and there's no way I can explain the way you make me feel.

Late night loving on the balcony.

I'm feeling lovely at the knees who knew that would be me?

You lift me up to where I wanna be.

You make everything so clear I can finally see.

You are the one that I always think about.

My first love that I made this song about.

You know me well and you always make me feel like I'm the one and I know your love is real.

I love it when you whisper in my ear the sweetest things that I wanted to hear.

I never thought I could feel this way.

And when I leave you in the morning I think about you all day.

I'll lay with you forever just like the sweetest joint.

And the whole world around us stops and stares.

Feels so good falling asleep knowing that you are there.

And when you left me out this day.

I thought you will come back any way,

You know?

But that's okay.

I ain't gonna fall.

I gotta get up and roll.

That's the way you want it and I won't help it.

I'm off to search new love and I'll find better.

I made a huge mistake.

Uh huh, yep, you did.

MAKEUP:

2011-03-17T15:50:00.004Z

So I got this idea from my lovely friend Lauren's blog!! I got out my make up bag and totalled up how much I'd actually spent on my essential make up items that I use every day or every time I go out, but I've also added my hair expenses too! And since I am extremely short on cash at the moment and am surviving on baked beans and pasta it did not please me!!! The results are in...

MAKEUP:

MAC Studio Fix Foundation: £21.00

MAC Satin, Myth lipstick: £12.50

MAC Creme, Vegas Volt lipstick: £12.50

MAC Creme, Please me lipstick: £12.50

MAC Mineralize blusher: £18.00

Sephora blusher brush: £20.00

Boujours Bronzer: £7.99

Dior shimmer lipgloss: £17.50

MAC Strobe cream: £24.00

MAC Studio Fix concealer: £12.00

17 Volumising mascara: £4.99

Eyelure fake eyelashes 107 x2: £10.20

Topshop Kohl eyeliner: £4.00

MAC Hello Kitty liquid eyeliner: £16.00

Body Shop eyebrow pencil: £7.00

= £200.18

OOOOOOOOOPS!!!!

HAIR:

Hairpsray (2 tins per week :/) = £8.00

Hair grips: £2.99

Aussi straight & shine mousse: £4.99

= £15.98

PER WEEK....OOOOOOOOPS.

The things we girls have to do! :( xxxx

CLUB REP:

2011-03-15T10:28:00.002Z

Hey everyone, so since I announced I'd got the 18-30 Club Rep Job I've had over 10 formsprings (which I haven't had chance to reply to yet!) asking about how I got the job and the interview process etc.

Because I work for Thomas Cook I'm limited as to what I can say but basically I applied in April of last year and it took until March this yer to be done with everything so you'll have a lot of waiting! I applied inititally by printing off an application on the club 18-30 website and then I was invited to a group interview in Manchester with 30 others where we had to prepare a brief presentation about ourself and complete 2 tasks; one selling and one convincing someone to change their plans, as well as a maths and general knowledge test.

After I passed that stage I was invited to the training academy which took place over 3 days in a Butlins resort! This was probably the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. We had to prepare a personal portfolio selling us for the job, learn 4 welcome meeting speeches which we had to perform infront of 80 people and prepare an idea for a caberat show which we had to perform at the end of the weekend, as well as training on selling, public speaking and customer care.

It was absolutely brutal with the 6.00am alarms and socialising until 2am and working all day but when we found out we'd got the job it was more than worth it! So my advice to anyone wanting to apply is do it early and make sure you put so much thought into your 1st application and take it from there.

The competition is really big as 4,000 people applied last year, down to 400, to 120, to 50.

Good luck!! xxxxx

SUMMERS COMING...

2011-03-13T17:10:00.003Z

SWISHING EVENT FOR BLOGGERS:

2011-03-11T20:27:00.002Z

Hello everyone! I got an email from a fashion PR company about a 'Swishing' event at Meadowhall. I'll be honest until this afternoon I had no idea what swishing but apparently it's where women bring unwanted clothes and swap with other women for their unwanted clothes, HUGE opportunitys to find 'hidden gems' and I was contacted to ask whether I wanted to go and cover the event and write about it on my blog, which I jumped at the chance to. If anyone fancies coming along contact me on here or on my formspring account & I'll send you the details! xox

INSPIRATION:

2011-03-11T20:17:00.004Z

2011-03-11T20:14:00.000Z

FORMSPRING:

2011-03-08T10:42:00.003Z

Who do you txt the most?

My boyfriend :) xo

Hi i'm from New Zealand and found your blog and absolutely love it! such good style!xxx

Awww thank you so much! :) that's lovely! xxxx

Did you get the club rep job???x

I did yes! I'm now officially an 18-30's club rep :) in Kavos, Corfu! xx

Your blog is so so cute.

Thankyou! :) xx

Olsen Anonymous:

2011-03-01T11:10:00.003Z

lovestyle:

2011-03-01T10:48:00.003Z

PLEASE?

2011-03-01T10:46:00.000Z

10 awesome things:

2011-02-24T22:51:00.002Z

1. A brand new pair of shoes in a box, wrapped in tissue paper.

2. Packages & letters from friends/lovers in the mail.

3. A cold glass of rose wine on a hot summers day in a beer garden with friends.

4. Singing along to songs in the back of a taxi on your way to a night out.

5. The cold side of the pillow.

6. Peep Show.

7. Waking up and realising you have another 3 hours in bed

8. Holding hands with mittons on.

9. Cats cute pink noses.

10. Duvet days.

2011-02-24T01:31:00.000Z

2011-02-24T01:29:00.001Z

Hey everyone! I'm so sorry for the lack of updates this past two weeks, been having a bit of uni trouble & learning my Club Rep interview briefs none stop. Promise I'll pick it up this week! xox

WISH LIST:

2011-02-12T12:24:00.015Z

Erickson Beamon cuff, £654.00

Burberry leather Knight bag, £1, 295.00

Jil Sander maxi skirt, £580.00

La Perla bra, £150.00

YSL Tribute sandals, £700.00

Bottega Veneta clutch, £1,635

Donna Karan sequin tank top, £1,225

Diane Von Furstenburg playsuit, £170.00

Max Azria jacket, £420.00

T by Alexander Wang skirt, £100.00

Kaufmanfranco dress, £4, 165

Halston Heritage dress, £340.00

Roksanda Illinic dress, £1,825.00

WHAT I WORE LAST NIGHT:

2011-02-12T12:20:00.002Z

Recycled NYE's outfit...and the fake tan. xox

BALLET IS THE NEW BLACK:

2011-02-11T15:20:00.002Z

WANT:

2011-02-10T14:53:00.000Z

INSPIRATION:

2011-02-09T15:09:00.005Z

2011-02-08T11:11:00.002Z

Hey everyone. I've made a new blog partly because of my uni's making me and partly because I needed an online presence to put all my work & document uni things! If anyone's interested the url is htp://hayleyjadeport.blogspot.com. There's no posts as of yet but there will be very soon! xxx

Bringing the summer look back:

2011-02-06T13:04:00.000Z

2011-02-06T11:59:00.000Z

OVERSIZED CLUTCHES:

2011-02-02T13:01:00.001Z

I'm probably one of the worlds biggest fans of clutch bags. I literally own dozens & can't resist buying another when I see one. And although I mainly use them when I go out (which is a lot) I adore the new 'oversized clutch' trend. It can be pretty annoying when you have a drink in your hand and a huge bag to contend with under your arm but it's more than worth it. My favourite is this one:

£45.00, Asos.com

And with the 20% off offer on the website now is the time to buy. It reminds me of the Alexander Wang clutches from the A/W '11 Collection. Here's a collage of what I thought would look cute with it:

Everything on the collage is from Topshop. I love the bag especially because it's so versatile, you can put so many different colours and styles with it and it still looks gorgeous. It can also be used in the daytime because so much can be fit inside it aside from lipstick, blackberry & bank cards!

can't wait for summer

2011-02-02T11:56:00.000Z

....

2011-01-31T23:07:00.000Z

I had to calm myself, because I started begging it,
Texts without a reply, yeah I still sent it,
Forget it; this is the only love I know.
Texts at 2am, to tell you I’m in the worst club with the worst men,
And you, you’re 25 times better than them,
And let’s go on an adventure,
Just me and you,
And the baggage you have? yeah bring that too.
We’ll sort it on the way.
But still, today, tomorrow, and the next day,
I don’t wanna be friends with you.

FOLLOWERS:

2011-01-30T20:54:00.001Z

Hello lovelies! As you can probably see I'm sprucing up my blog a bit & adding on some new features & content, so if there's anything you'd like to ask or see or generally post about please let me know on my formspring, anonymous or not! Thanks! xoxox

2011-01-30T20:47:00.000Z

2011-01-30T20:36:00.000Z

LAST NIGHT:

2011-01-30T20:34:00.000Z

2011-01-30T18:23:00.000Z

FORMSPRING:

2011-01-26T11:32:00.003Z

will you do more outfit posts?! like daytime clothing? luv ur blog babe.xx

Awww thank you! I'll try but because I'm at uni, usually in lecture I'm just in uggs & my barbour jacket! haha, but I'll make more effort to do that! And thank you :) xx

ru in Ibiza again this summer?

I'm not entirely sure yet! Hopefully Ibiza, Miami, Barcelona or any 18-30s resort depending on whether I get the club rep job or not. Fingers crossed! x

What are ur plans this summer? really enjoy ur blog.

Like I said before it totally depends on this club rep job which I find out about in March, but either way I'll be spending time abroad :)

hey hun! i love your camel coloured shoes! but where's garage shoes?! lol! x

It's a really cheap shoe shop in Leeds! There's a few around the UK I think. They have a website www.garageshoes.co.uk I've found some really amazing bargains in there, I definitely recommend!

DO you have a bf atm?

No I don't :)

WHAT I WORE LAST NIGHT:

2011-01-25T15:50:00.001Z

Dress: Topshop, £28.00

Shoes: Garage shoes, £25.00

I loved this..

2011-01-25T11:59:00.002Z

'When is it time to just STOP? When your friends advise you to? When he stops txting you back? When you secretly know that it's over and you just can't quite bring yourself to admit it? There should be a rule book with advice of when to just STOP'.

See people associate addiction with drugs and cigarettes. But addiction has so many other powerful sources that people dont tend to, or refuse to recognise. That complusive need to do something that you know is bad for you but you can't help youself and do it anyway. Despite what everyone tells you and despite the fact that no-one can understand why - it's irrelevant.

Is it the sweet pain when the door slams in your face and your phone remains silent? Or the bittersweet moments when you're together and all the bullshit is forgotten? Everyday you secretly hope for change when you know it won't come. When you are the only one who can make things okay again but you refuse to because you simply can't

Sleep becomes difficult and dreams are long and scattered. You constantly feel like a brick is sat in your stomach and you're slightly nauseous. Your heart beats faster than usual causing you to panic and your blackberry becomes your worst enemy.

SO many points of contact. Will it be a text, an email, a facebook notification, a bbm, a tweet? It's exhausting constantly prediciting. Other things in life that were oh so important before suddenly become irrelevant. Someone tells you in order to be happy you must 'eliminate the negative from your life'. You make a list full of mundane things but really just one thing is trying to force it's way onto the page. You don't need a counsellor or a friend to tell you what's really going on. Because you know.

They all know because it is blindingly obvious to everyone but you. You think you're hiding so well but really anyone who comes within 5 meters of you is fully aware. You don't want them to win.

But sometimes...

Letting go is not giving them. It's not about who's a winner and who's a loser.'

2011-01-25T11:55:00.000Z

WHAT I WORE LAST NIGHT:

2011-01-20T12:09:00.001Z

Dress: Topshop boutqiue, £5.00

Tights: Primark, £2.50

Shoes: Garaga shoes, £25.00

Bag: Vintage

CONTACTS:

2011-01-18T23:20:00.003Z

TWITTER: http://www.twitter.com/hayleyjadexo

FORMSPRING: http://www.formspring.me/hayleyjadexo

xoxox

ps. Changed the settings on my formspring so I can now accept anonymous questions and questions from people who aren't on formspring.

NEW STYLE CRUSH:

2011-01-18T16:15:00.004Z

Apologies for me getting a little 'snap happy', but I absolutely loved every single outfit that I couldn't pick just one to show you. xox

Shopping List:

2011-01-18T15:29:00.002Z

White over sized shirt
Leopard print clutch bag
Black platform boots
Huge earrings (Edie style)
Pink cigarettes

lovestyle:

2011-01-18T14:55:00.007Z

< / 3

2011-01-18T14:55:00.001Z

2011-01-18T14:48:00.002Z

'No matter what happens. When you wash the city off your face, when you wave goodbye to past friends and lovers, when you pack your bags, when the seasons come & go. You're still you. I take comfort in this fact every day.'

UPDATE:

2011-01-18T14:41:00.002Z

I've had quite a rough week followers so my apologies for the lack of blog posts! It's been a mixture of boy trouble, hospital appointments, deadlines & all nighters :( no fun. And my beloved Macbook has broken so I'm working/using my housemates Dell which is by no means as fast as my Mac :( waaaaa. Enough moaning though! Hope everyones had a good week. xo

ELLE COVER:

2011-01-12T23:25:00.002Z

'I'm not taking this shit ANYMORE.

I've been through too much.

I've been pushed to my ABSOLUTE LIMIT on every single aspect of my life and you know what? I'm not having it'

Cheryl interview: Style icon she is not, but as far as she goes as a woman? Pretty alright. Loved the interview.

2011-01-08T15:34:00.001Z

'Someone once told me to write about what I know. I don't know much. But I know one thing for sure, I'm fucked.'

WINTER FAVOURITES:

2011-01-05T23:27:00.002Z

Winter 2010 favourites:

10 winter essentials:

My blackberry, standard
Cute fluffy earmuffs
Leopard print coat
Mittons on a string
Dozens of pairs of tights in every colour & pattern
Oversized scarves
Wellies for snow days
Mulled wine & mince pies with friends
Tartan pyjamas, a snuggly & cute blankets

9 winter reads:

The Carrie Diaries - Candace Bushnell
Sex and the City 2: The Movie book
The Little House - Phillipa Gregory
The Truth About Diamonds - Nicole Ritchie
If You Want To Cry Go Outside - Kelly Cutrone
Adrian Mole: The Prostrate Years - Sue Townsend
Style Book - Lauren Conrad
American Pyscho - Bret Easton Ellis
He's Just Not That Into You - Liz Tullico and Greg Behrendet

8 winter drinks:

Mulled Wine
Mint Bailies
White wine
Starbucks gingerbread latte
Galaxy hot chocolate with cream
Amaretto Daisy
Horlicks with chocolate sprinkles
A brew with hob nobs

7 winter destinations:

Sledging at Sandal Castle
Curled up on a sofa in Starbucks
Hampstead Heath to build snowmen
Paris
Covent Garden in the snow
Lapland
Cinema to watch old re runs of christmas movies

6 winter songs:

Promise This - Cheryl Cole
All I need Is The Air That I Breathe - The Hollies
Fairytale of New York - The Pogues
Teenage Dreams - Katy Perry
Dancing Queen - ABBA
All I Have - J-Lo & LL Cool J

5 make up essentials:

Coco butter Moisturiser
Mac satin lipstick in Myth
Nivea lipblam
Simple cleansing moisturiser
Cucumber face masks

4 hair essentials:

Aussi Hair masks
FAST grow shampoo/conditoner
Herbal Essences split end protector
Hot towels when applying hair masks

3 favourite nail shades:

Chanel Antilope 187
Models own in Mixed Up
Models own in Moody Grey

2 winter rules:

During snowball fights, avoid the hair/face
Hold hands with mittons on :)

To buy:

Uggs.

BARBIE PINK NAILS:

2011-01-05T22:16:00.000Z

....and my cute polar bear dressing gown. xo

LOVESTYLE:

2011-01-05T21:56:00.004Z

2011-01-05T21:20:00.002Z

'I think the reason why I let him treat me so terribly was because he made me believe I didn't deserve anything better. Slowly he chipped away at me until there was barely any of myself left. He never actually told me what to do or wear but he made it damn clear what he did and didn't like. I was constantly exhausted trying to predict his moods and when he would call/txt, which was often never. I gave 110% of myself into this faux relationship which quite frankly was sex with a few benefits like new underwear and alcohol, when secretly inside myself I knew that I was going to recieve nothing in return. When it reached it's worst point about 3 months in I was so ashamed that I had let it go on so far that I didn't believe I was worth anything better, that I was destined to this life of chasing a man who was completely un attainable. You have to respect yourself for someone else to respect you, this was a concept I seemed to forget. I was told hundreds of times when I was laid crying on the sofa watching my phone that I needed to get rid of him, dozens of friends tried to coax me out of the situation but I wouldn't budge, despite knowing 100% that they in fact were right. I had moments of strength where I turned off my phone and tried half heartedly to speak to other prospective dates but without fail I always returned to him. It seemed that having him in my life even though he treated me terribly was better than not having him at all. I was in limbo. I am still in limbo'.

- Anonymous.

MY FORMSPRING:

2011-01-05T21:19:00.002Z

www.formspring.me/hayleyjadexo

2011-01-05T18:15:00.000Z

INSPIRATION:

2011-01-02T17:49:00.004Z

BOOKS:

2011-01-02T17:41:00.003Z

So amongst a lot of other stuff I got for Christmas, I got a ton of books from mummy & daddy. One of them was 'The Carrie Diaries' by Candace Bushnell (in case you've been living in a cave for 10 years & don't know this, she's the author of 'Sex and the City')

Now for those of you who haven't read it & intend to STOP READING NOW BECAUSE I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A LITTLE SPOILER! At first I was hugley skeptical about it because of how much of a fan I am of SATC, that and I didn't really want to know. But when I got about half way through I was addicted. Apart from a few mistakes (the fact that Carrie's mum had died when she was young & she was brought up by her father, whereas in the show she tells Julian from Vogue that her father left her mother when she was 3 years old) and it being a little far fetched at times, I really understood how Carrie's character was moulded. She was massively betrayed by her then best friend and her boyfriend, when she escaped to NYC and met Samantha right at the end which I loved. A definite must-read for any true SATC fans. xox

TWITTER:

2011-01-02T17:38:00.001Z

Also, a quick note to my twitter followers. I changed my name to hayleyjadexo from parisbunnyxo. Just incase anyone got confused when a random popped up on your account! xox

XO:

2011-01-02T17:35:00.001Z

How cute is my new BB case, you can't really see it too well but it's got black sparkles all over the back. Best present that came from my stocking. xo

PS. HAPPY BELATED CHRISTMAS FROM NUMBER 24! XO

2011-01-02T17:33:00.001Z

NYE:

2011-01-02T17:26:00.007Z

I had such a lovely NYE. My best friend Ruth came to stay from Derby. We went to Chilliwhites in Leeds & met the guy I'm seeing & his friends, a lot of wine/vodka/champagne was drunk. SUCH a good way to start 2011. Hope everyone had a lovely time! xoxo ps. excuse my drunken face on the photos!

Skirt: Topshop boutique, £45.00

Top: Warehouse, £18.00

Shoes: Xmas present!

UPDATE:

2011-01-02T17:18:00.003Z

Hellllllo everyone! I'm so sorry I've disappeared from Blogger for a while, I've been super busy with uni work & other little things. My New Years Resolution is to definitely blog more as well as a LOT of other things. Thanks to all my lovely followers for their patience & I'll be here a lot more often now! xoxoxox

2010-12-14T12:59:00.000Z

A GUIDE TO RUDEBOIS:

2010-12-06T09:57:00.003Z

He will own several pairs of trakkies, but not just trakkies, a FULL tracksuit. Normally Adidas however the type can vary.
Same goes with trainers, at least 5 pairs MINIMAL. Mostly Nikes including one pair of bright white barely worn ones which he cleans every time he wears them or in fact doesn't wear them at all.
He will visit a barbers for a haircut. Not Toni & Guy or your local salon. An old school barbers, normally in a shady part of town.
His i-tunes will consist of rap music, dance/trance music & hip hop.
He will refer to you as 'gal, gyal or girl', never girlfriend or 'someone I'm seeing'.
His pose on photographs will consist of a slight pout whilst attempting to look 'hard'. He will normally be in a large group of other rudeboys, all also attempting to look 'hard'.
He will holiday in Zante, Malia, Magaluf or Kos.
Weed and cigarettes. Always always no matter what he tells you he will smoke weed and cigarettes.
His goodie drawer will contain lube (usually flavoured) and several condoms. Never usually the extra safe variety.
His preference of alcohol will normally include Cider, vodka or wine, usually white. Rarely beer.
They enjoy: large gold earrings (trust me...) matching underwear, bodycon skirts (especially if you have a big bum) long hair, knee high socks and makeup, lots of it.
They rarely have good up to date phones, usually shitty Sony Ericssons or an old Nokia because they broke their good one (usually a blackberry or iphone)
They will secretly enjoy fighting, even if they don't broadcast it or you never see them. It is rare they turn down a scrap
They eat a lot. A ridiculous amount. Usually 4 meals per day.
They will use sunbeds or fake tan, the place of preference is Kwiktan. You may not believe this but it is is true...

Twitter:

2010-11-30T23:18:00.002Z

I changed my twitter name to hayleyjadexo for those who follow me! xox

2010-11-28T13:25:00.000Z

You know it's Christmas when...

2010-11-28T13:19:00.003Z

Starbucks bring out their christmas cups! :) Having my hot chocolate in one of these makes it taste so much better. xox

2010-11-28T13:16:00.000Z

Tuesday nights outfit. xo